billboard BREAKDOWN - hot 100 - october 21, 2023

…look, I know y’all don’t want to hear me complain about Drake. I’d be well within my rights - having to cover thirteen new songs from this project a week after I reviewed it and by all means the discourse has moved on, it’s a chore more than anything else, and Drake’s cultural ubiquity stopped being interesting years ago. But I will say that there were expectations that this was going to do a little better or last a little longer, and with a new Bad Bunny project coming next week, it’s going to be fascinating to observe the drop off.

But yeah, let’s start in the top ten, where Drake got his newest #1, almost entirely driven on streaming but good sales came up to nudge this over the top, ‘First Person Shooter’ with J. Cole. I don’t expect it’s going to last, and that’s tied to our #2: ‘IDGAF’ by Drake ft. Yeat, where the Yeat fans here are trying to do a concerted streaming push to keep this in the top 10 to at least be competitive next week, though they didn’t even win the streaming battle here. Speaking of which, ‘Virginia Beach’ by Drake got the #3 on streaming, and then we have the first non-Drake entry with ‘Paint The Town Red’ by Doja Cat at #4, mostly because of consistent radio growth and how its YouTube is better than you might expect. Then we have two more Drake songs - ‘Calling For You’ with 21 Savage at #5 and ‘Slime You Out’ with SZA at #6, both thanks to a lot of streaming - and then ‘Snooze’ by SZA held to #7, which I’ll chalk up to a thin sliver of radio dominance just holding back. And the reason for that - once we get past ‘Daylight’ by Drake at #8, again for streaming - is ‘Cruel Summer’ by Taylor Swift at #9, where there is a concerted radio push and you can tell that her fans are desperately trying to make this a thing, at least before 1989 (Taylor’s Version) drops on Friday. Finally we have one more Drake song with ‘Fear Of Heights’ at #10, you all get the drill.

And now for the losers and dropouts - there literally were no returns and the only gain was ‘Slime You Out’, so we’re going to drill in a bit here given that a lot of songs were forced off. We have the tracks that clinched their year-end spots - ‘Karma’ by Taylor Swift and Ice Spice and ‘Calm Down’ by Rema and Selena Gomez, forced all the way from the top 10 into recurrence - with ‘Where She Goes’ by Bad Bunny likely getting there but it’s borderline. But then we have a swathe of cuts that fell well-short: ‘Oh U Went’ by Young Thug and Drake, ‘Sabor Fresa’ by Fuerza Regida, ‘Tulum’ by Peso Pluma and Grupo Frontera, ‘In Your Love’ by Tyler Childers, ‘Spotless’ by Zach Bryan ft. The Lumineers, and ‘FE!N’ by Travis Scott and Playboi Carti. And now for the losers… it’s literally sixty-four songs, it makes rattling them off pointless especially when we’ve got album bombs for the next two weeks. So let’s focus on the songs that didn’t lose that much, like ‘Fast Car’ by Luke Combs clinging to radio momentum at 13 or ‘I Remember Everything’ by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves still having a lot of tangible streaming at 14, it didn’t get undercut that much! Then we have the cuts that actually held their own, and the majority of them are legit quality: ‘My Love Mine All Mine’ by Mitski held at 54 much to my astonishment - it appears her virality has staying power - and off the debut ‘Water’ by Tyla actually picked up a bit to 63, as did ‘Stick Season’ by Noah Kahan - imagine how big they could have gotten without Drake squatting here! But not all of those holding firm are good, because the last two are ‘Can’t Have Mine’ by Dylan Scott at 90 and ‘God Gave Me A Girl’ by Russell Dickerson off the debut to 96, both of which I chalk up to Nashville radio inertia and how Drake’s album bomb predominantly hit the upper half the chart with more tangible impact.

Speaking of which, we are absolutely in an album bomb scenario with a full twenty-two new songs, the majority in the top 20. Outside of those - and accounting for the best / worst of this week - we have ‘Tried Our Best’ at 21, ‘Members Only’ with PARTYNEXTDOOR at 24 - although this was very close to being among the worst here - ‘All The Parties’ at 26 ft. Chief Keef, ‘Drew A Picasso’ at 27, ‘Another Late Night’ at 29 ft. Lil Yachty, ‘Away From Home’ at 32, ‘BBL Love Interlude’ at 36, ‘Polar Opposites’ at 37, and ‘Screw The World Interlude’ at 42.

This still gives us frankly way too many new arrivals, but we’re not starting with Drake here…

97. ‘Y Lloro’ by Junior H - you know, there was so much discourse about another song breaking through this week - ‘Ecstasy’ by SUICIDAL-IDOL - and it being one of the worst many have heard in recent memory, and instead we get a solo Junior H regional Mexican track of which I’ve seen zero discourse altogether! And when you hear this, that makes sense: Junior H is not exactly dynamic as a presence, the jittery acoustics have no body around the farty horns and faint skitter of percussion, the production all sounds undercooked, and when translated the lyrics are a lot of post-breakup misery, albeit with less pettiness than you might expect. If anything it’s just kind of a wallow where Junior H is trying to desperately escape how bad he feels but coming to the realization that he can’t, and that might be sad if I thought the execution of the song could sell that melancholy whatsoever. As it is… it’s more forgettable than bad, far from the best or worst of this subgenre, not much else to it.

76. ‘She Calls Me Back’ by Noah Kahan & Kacey Musgraves - I’ve been hyping up this remix for the past few weeks - arguably one of the best songs on the original Stick Season augmented by Kacey Musgraves stepping in potentially to temper one of Noah Kahan’s whinging sessions. Because let’s be real: even if I like the predominantly acoustic groove and the patter of the original, it’s a pushy song to go off about why this girl just isn’t calling him and accusing her of having some sense of stubborn pride in chasing her own dreams even as he tries to ‘save her’. The benefit of bringing in Kacey is that she can push back on all of this projection, and the frustrated exhaustion that she can sell to temper the mood is a huge benefit, especially as she’s still calling this guy once a week to sooth his feelings! It reminds me a lot of ‘Somebody That I Used to Know’ by Gotye and Kimbra, but unfortunately I’m left thinking that Noah Kahan is left off the hook a little more, especially given the swell of that chorus, so while it’s an improvement on the original… again, songs like this can test my patience and Noah Kahan is pushing it, even if I think the song is really damn good.

49. ‘Wild Ones’ by Jessie Murph & Jelly Roll - it’s interesting just how much it feels like certain folks have turned on Jessie Murph as a pop / country act - I don’t think the organic groundswell is there, but she sure is getting the collaborations and folks outside of her core fandom either don’t like them or aggressively don’t care. Granted, when the songs keep being this bad, I get why, with its leaden, scratchy trap beat with the fake snaps and clunky attempt at country twang and a vocal mix that seems to be trying to make this sound way edgier than it actually is. And while Jessie Murph doing her disaffected Bebe Rexha impression is bad enough, who the hell told Jelly Roll that bringing back his rapping was a good idea for his verse? And then there’s the posturing that they’re into all sorts of wild, dangerous vibes like… smoking, and drinking hard liquor, and holding a gun, and referencing Harley Quinn and Gotham, where Jelly Roll saying the police will never take them alive and it’s just hysterical how much I don’t buy it. What it reminds me of the most is ‘Bad Things’ by Camila Cabello and Machine Gun Kelly, where it thinks it has way more swagger and bite than it does, but at least that song had the Fastball sample to make it interesting; this just actively sucks, next!

20. ‘Bahamas Promises’ by Drake - okay, there’s a lot of Drake songs to get through here, and I’ve already reviewed the album, so I’m going to try to keep this short for each track if only for my own sanity. And we’re starting with a glorified interlude that actually had some promise with its gentle R&B warbles and richer backing vocals from JeRonelle… until you recognize the content is Drake crooning about how his shot with a girl named Hayley - reportedly a young model that worked on one of his album merch rollouts - blew up in his face because she screwed up a trip to the Bahamas for him and broke some promises so he’s now in full concern trolling mode where even if he says he’s got too much respect for himself you know that’s bullshit because otherwise this track wouldn’t be here.

18. ‘What Would Pluto Do’ by Drake - Drake, if you’re taking romantic advice from Future, that’s probably a bad idea, especially if it results in you dosing this girl’s drink with Cialis and then fucking her without a condom! If only that was the only thing that doesn’t work about this song: I actually kind of like that muted piano line, but then Drake is doing his swamped out half-croon with clunky autotune where the Lil Yachty influence is both unmistakable and unwelcome, and then Drake goes off on his flexing bullshit where he spends most of his final verse recognizing this girl did not get a breast reduction to then ‘get inside and bend a dick like the pope’… and that’s not the only painfully corny line at the end of the verse. Why do I think an actual Future collab could have saved this, my god…

17. ‘8AM In Charlotte’ by Drake - alright, here’s a song I actually like on this album that unfortunately is mired in controversy because thanks to the Conductor Williams credit and chipmunked soul sample folks were assuming Drake was biting Griselda’s style. I have mixed opinions on all of that - Griselda did not originate that sound, Drake has always done his extended timestamp songs over vibes similar to this, and I’m not about to complain about Drake actually rapping more - and it turns out this is one of the better songs on the album. Now it’s not exceptional - Drake running through money and flexes and veiled threats at his opps is routine by this point - but the wordplay feels a bit sharper and I do like him trying to give some advice to those up-and-coming in his wake to cover taxes and how he holds some information against his enemies; implied to be Pusha-T, but I’ll believe that when he actually fires a real shot. Yeah, it’s petty, but it feels more grounded and I think if more of this album was like this, it’d have a better reputation - decent song.

16. ‘7969 Santa’ by Drake - why does this also feel like a fragment or an interlude? Is it the painfully on-the-nose Snoop Dogg cameo, the Teezo Touchdown interlude, or the Chief Keef sample, or the windswept brittle production that feels like it’s set up to ramp into a more impressive hook but Drake sounds half-asleep as he complains about some girl but not without the line, ‘got you out here moving waste like a belt’. Overall this feels tossed off and not particularly interesting - if not for the perfunctory shoutouts, I’d call it filler.

15. ‘Amen’ by Drake ft. Teezo Touchdown - …okay, I know I’m not the only one not hearing the hype with Teezo Touchdown - I know he’s getting the industry push, I know his album from earlier this year got some rather divisive reviews, but this is probably his biggest cosign yet and… hell, he has more space to deliver gospel flourishes against those twinkling staccato piano chords and the soul sample and leaden bass than Drake does for his verse! Honestly, it’s not a bad verse as it does connect through all the things he’s buying this girl to hopefully ensure some loyalty that he probably won’t reciprocate, but there’s a sour, condescending edge to framing this song as praying this girl finds a man who can treat her as well as he does; It’s also awkwardly sequenced - this is the second song on the album and it does nothing for any sense of momentum - but outside of Teezo being generally fine… this isn’t special, I’ll say it.

12. ‘Gently’ by Drake ft. Bad Bunny - I think this was the song that turned off a lot of fans expecting more rap on this album - I don’t get why, as Drake and Bad Bunny worked together going back to at least 2018, maybe folks just didn’t like the obvious play for commercial crossover and Drake’s cringe-worthy Spanish is about as bad as, well, mine. But once you get past Drake, the bassy reggaeton groove actually has more texture and punch than I expected and it gets better when Bad Bunny comes in for something closer to Latin trap for his very horny brand of debauchery. It’s probably lacking more melody for my tastes, and I’m not going to call this all that special, or not a commercial cash-in… but I don’t think this is bad, all things considered. And hell, if you want the real cash-in…

11. ‘Rich Baby Daddy’ by Drake ft. Sexyy Red & SZA - I remember seeing so many people so mad about this song and Drake working with Sexyy Red for the cheapest strip-club pop I’ve heard a while with this bounce groove… again, I’m not surprised that Drake’s doing this, he’s done it for years in various capacities, and for what it’s worth it’s not a precisely bad crossover either. I don’t think Sexyy Red needed a verse but her hook is more on point than I expected, the washed out melody balanced the quicker percussion pretty well even if the vocals all feel really compressed - it’s one of the few songs on this album with momentum - and while Drake can sell his dazed strip club musings, SZA once again steals the show and sounds great over this production. The big problem is one that’s endemic across this album, in that before the song ends Drake tacks on an outro where he seems to come to his senses and realize he probably shouldn’t have made all those promises in the strip club… and also interpolates ‘Dog Days Are Over’ by Florence + The Machine rather badly. I don’t mind the idea of what Drake tries here, but it pushes the track over five minutes and it feels like this fragment was stapled on in post, the execution is just haphazard. So no, I don’t hate this nearly as much as everyone else seems to… but I can’t say it works either.

10. ‘Fear Of Heights’ by Drake - …Drake, you have to stop concern-trolling Rihanna, it’s gone so far beyond creepy at this point. The watery synths may try to set a conspiratorial vibe and leave it quasi-ambiguous, but then we get the grinding rage beat with the wispy trap snares as Drake goes off on more generic flexing and how he totally doesn’t pay for sex, he’s just tipping for the service. And I get how Drake is trying to accentuate how ‘scary’ all of this is - as if his bad Playboi Carti impression doesn’t already spook you - but truth is, I’m not scared of any of this; there should be something tangibly unknown and all of this is way too damn familiar, next!

8. ‘Daylight’ by Drake - okay, let’s put aside the painfully obvious Tony Montana snippet from Scarface, I know Drake is playing ‘the villain’, the grimy trap beat from Southside is obviously setting that up. But I’ll say it: it’s at least a bit more effective in selling the atmosphere and while Drake’s still on his bad Playboi Carti imitation, the wordplay is a bit punchier across the threats on the second verse, even if I’m not about to engage with how this may be addressing XXXTENTACION rumours around his death. But again, Drake doesn’t have the intensity or tangible menace to sell this well, and I’m left thinking that more folks are probably here for Adonis’ clumsy but endearing outro than anything Drake’s actually saying. And while we’re in this territory…

5. ‘Calling For You’ by Drake ft. 21 Savage - let’s be real, this is only charting this high because the folks who liked Her Loss are praying this is a leftover. And it is… in all the worst ways possible. The one thing I’ll somewhat endorse is the blocky Jersey club rumble of the initial groove… but then Drake uses that time to start creeping on girls in their early twenties of which he’s overly curious but if we’re judging by that godawful extended interlude is probably going to treat as if they’re not on his level when he buys them things; you’re not as classy as you think you are, Drake. But then it switches into a chipmunk soul flip with a deliberate Her Loss callback and 21 has his verse and… wow, this is a throwaway, very obviously stitched together in post. So yeah, it might be better mastered than the majority of Her Loss was, but it’s still bad… unlike…

3. ‘Virginia Beach’ by Drake - alright, here’s where I give Drake some credit: this song is legit really damn good. And not just for the watery guitars that ramp into the ominous warped sample of Frank Ocean backing the trap percussion, I actually really like Drake’s singing on the hook here in how the frustration of the toxic give-and-take of the relationship manifests. Granted, it’s got its fair share of corny lines - when he’s threatening this girl’s new guy we have the line ‘he gon’ find out it’s on-site like w w w’, and the exasperation at a girl’s apparent selfishness needs to be taken with a grain of salt especially from Drake. That said, if there’s a song where I can buy a little more dimension and almost sink into the atmosphere, it is this one, an really strong opener that the rest of the album can’t remotely pay off. Want an example of that?

2. ‘IDGAF’ by Drake ft. Yeat - …you know, I’m fucking tired of beating around the bush: pardon the pun, but this song is dogshit and all the more evidence that Drake attempting to chase the rage anthems for the kids is a really bad idea, especially if he’s getting with Yeat who I’ve only found to be mediocre at best. Yeah, I think the synths and Azimuth’s vocals to open up the song had potential especially with that trumpet… and then it slams into chiptuned slop with entirely too many hideous vocal layers that feature all sorts of ugly squawking around the hook. It’s not even hard - I grew up in the era of crunk that at least could throw some muscle behind bad mixing - and here there’s no grit or swagger to this as Drake tries to sell the ‘I stay in the O’ with lines that would have had Big Sean laughed out of the room a decade ago. And then there’s Yeat, who has never had anything interesting to say in his flexing and is trying his own godawful Carti impression where he can’t even stay on beat. And again, all of this flexing is at the expense of the audience, at you, and when it’s so obviously boring garbage, the enablement is what I find so gross. All of this sucks, and Drake giving Yeat a cosign to push past his overextended fifteenth minute… yeah, fuck all of this.

1. ‘First Person Shooter’ by Drake ft. J. Cole - This should be way better than it is, and if it wasn’t for Drake’s insecurity, it probably would be much better! Because let’s not mince words: for J. Cole’s first #1, he utterly washes Drake on his own song where Drake decided to go for what sounds like a bad Kanye impression talking about getting bad verses and who the GOAT could be, and then J. Cole goes off on his verse including a really nice flow switch where the braggadociousness isn’t super-layered but effective. And then with no warning the beat switches awkwardly for another rap verse from Drake, where I dig the darker melody but the bass mixing is rougher, and we get lines about how he packs womens’ names into his phone like sardines, complains more about being disrespected, and how he’s so close to beating Michael Jackson’s record for #1 hits. Put aside that Drake shouldn’t care about the fucking Hot 100, especially when he doesn’t care about Grammys - Billboard is not some greater august institution than the Academy - but on a track where you want to accentuate that you’re the best in the game, why even give time to petty punching-down, especially when J. Cole washes you on the song to the point where I just know that last verse was added in post because you didn’t want him to have the last word on what has become a #1 hit. This is not being in your villain arc, it’s revealingly insecure about how you’re only doing this because nobody buys it on the merit of the art. And yeah, even with all of that I’d call this a good song… but it ain’t great… and let’s keep it 100: nobody on this track really is.

And that concludes our week… god, this was exhausting. Worst is ‘IDGAF’ by Drake and Yeat, but Drake isn’t getting the Dishonourable Mention because that’s for ‘Wild Ones’ by Jessie Murph and Jelly Roll, what an abysmal song. Best of the week… you know, ‘Virginia Beach’ is really damn good, but it’s getting Honourable Mention because ‘She Calls Me Back’ by Noah Kahan and Kacey Musgraves have that top spot. Next week… I can’t even say it’s going to be the fallout because Bad Bunny is right around the corner, so stay tuned for that!