billboard BREAKDOWN - hot 100 - march 26, 2022

I’ve said before that not all album bomb weeks are bad - yes, the ones that fall just shy of my arbitrary boundary with a bunch of other new arrivals can be a lot of work, or those that break past the top 40 - hi, Drake - or those that just simply suck - see my previous comment. But when the Hot 100 has become increasingly stagnant and we get not just Lil Durk delivering a reasonably sized and placed album bomb alongside a few other interesting songs… look, it’s not ideal, but it might be better in the long run.

Of course, it doesn’t impact our top ten, where for three weeks too long ‘Heat Waves’ by Glass Animals squats at the #1; and let’s make this clear, any tangible competition would knock this off given that it is down in all categories… but it has enough of a margin, and that’s why it was able to hold over the sudden radio revival of ‘Stay’ by Kid LAROI and Justin Bieber at #2, because apparently we weren’t all sick of this last year! It actually leaped past ‘Super Gremlin’ by Kodak Black at #3 - basically here on streaming because the radio stalled out - and ‘abcdefu’ by GAYLE at #4, which hit a sharp peak in the radio and somehow losing faster than ‘Heat Waves’ is! Granted, it looks like folks are finally getting sick of ‘We Don’t Talk About Bruno’ by the Encanto Cast down at #5 as the streaming starts to ebb, but that’s now holding against ‘Ghost’ by Justin Bieber, which basically spent the week wavering on the radio and that was enough to hold over ‘Easy On Me’ by Adele down to #7, which was just outright losing. Unfortunately, this opens the door for a new top ten entry: ‘Enemy’ by Imagine Dragons and JID, which has enough strength in every category that it looks like it’s going to be a proper hit, and if you want a testament to 2022 on the Hot 100, it’s the success of this song. That said, ‘THATS WHAT I WANT’ by Lil Nas X picked up a slot to #9 thanks to its radio being reasonably solid, and it overtook ‘Bad Habits’ by Ed Sheeran at #10, which is basically playing a radio/streaming margins game to hold on over ‘Shivers’ here.

And near that subject, our losers and dropouts, and where in the latter case I’m not about to complain much. Yes, we had quite a few major dropouts, but they nearly all clinched the year-end list: ‘Essence’ by Wizkid and Tems - I’m not dignifying the Justin Bieber remix - ‘You Should Probably Leave’ by Chris Stapleton handily clinching its year-end list spot, ‘One Mississippi’ by Kane Brown likely just being short, ‘Meet Me At Our Spot’ by THE ANXIETY, and ‘Oh My God’ by Adele - again, it still was a very tangible hit, but it feels like it should have been bigger. And as expected, we did get a lot of losers, but it’s not really a surprising or overwhelming week here. Off the debut ‘Bam Bam’ by Camila Cabello and Ed Sheeran collapsed to 39, and gains from last week like ‘Slow Down Summer’ by Thomas Rhett at 62, ‘Rocking A Cardigan In Atlanta’ by Lil Shordie Scott to 94 and especially ‘I’m Tired’ by Labrinth and Zendaya hit 92. But then we have the continued losers like ‘Nail Tech’ by Jack Harlow at 68, ‘Smokin Out The Window’ by Silk Sonic at 80 - year-end slot is locked up, I’m okay with a graceful exit - ‘half of my hometown’ by Kelsea Ballerini and Kenny Chesney at 88, and ‘Waiting On A Miracle’ by Stephanie Beatriz at 97. But speaking of Encanto losses, ‘The Family Madrigal’ by the cast slid to 44, ‘What Else Can I Do’ by Diane Guerrero and Stephanie Beatriz hit 67, and ‘Dos Oruguitas’ by Sebastian Yatra hit 72. As for the rest… well, ‘I Hate YoungBoy’ by Youngboy Never Broke Again lived up to its title at 98, ‘By Your Side’ by Rod Wave slid to 96, ‘banking on me’ by Gunna hit 90, ‘Pressure’ by Ari Lennox hit 84, ‘Sacrifice’ by The Weeknd hit 79 - you can argue this song really underperformed or just got cannibalized by The Weeknd’s other hits - ‘Do We Have A Problem’ by Nicki Minaj and Lil Baby is at 66, ‘she’s all i wanna be’ by Tate McRae at 59, and ‘Sand In My Boots’ by Morgan Wallen hit 44 - it’s on track to make the year end list, so that’s going to make some fun discourse in December!

Speaking of him, our returns and gains, where in the former category he’s tied to half of them, with ‘Flower Shops’ by ERNEST getting a boost from the album to 78 and ‘Broadway Girls’ by Lil Durk up to 43… although that’s the album bomb that also saw a surge for ‘Ahhh Ha’ to 18. Unfortunately the one new debut that did see a pickup was ‘Handsomer’ by Russ and ktlyn at 40 - I’d really prefer this doesn’t become a hit this year, but I get the disturbing feeling that could happen. Thankfully the only return this week was also tied to Lil Durk’s album bomb to inch back at 95, but now let’s talk about that - here’s the songs outside of the top 40 that are neither the best nor worst of this week: ‘Federal Nightmares’ at 85, ‘Difference Is’ with Summer Walker at 73, ‘Blocklist’ at 69, ‘Grow Up / Keep It On Speakers’ at 65 - very nearly a winner with this one, one of the best on the album - ‘Smoking & Thinking’ at 60, ‘Headtaps’ at 58, ‘Started From’ at 55, ‘Shootout @ My Crib’ at 53, and ‘Barbarian’ at 48 - another really damn good one there, check it out.

Alright, that makes things more manageable… unfortunately we have to start with…

93. ‘Bones’ by Imagine Dragons - you know, I’ve called Imagine Dragons a silent majority act before, and at this point before the radio machine moves in behind them, it’s hard to explain their career still moving where they can still chart tangible hits. Because with this… come on, what the hell is Dan Reynolds doing contorting his vocals into his screechiest register yet with this gutless guitar, warping bass, and stomping percussion? Where’s the instrumental melody, why does this feel like the second coming of 'Believer’, and why are the drums the only thing that sound remotely impressive - and even then, that’s pushing it? And when we get to the content… okay, I might be able to understand Reynolds’ point that this is him brooding about the finality of death, and his persistence to fight and live against it, but the most telling line here is in the prechorus, ‘my patience is waning, is this entertaining’, where it might as well be metacommentary with Imagine Dragons asking what the hell we even want? But the answer to that is pretty straightforward: even if the production from Alex da Kid dates it, Night Visions is a good album that had character and melody and some actual organic presence and where someone sounded like they were having fun. This is just tired, screaming of a lack of real ideas - and wow, it’s obvious. Next!

46. ‘Something In The Way’ by Nirvana - alright, so remember when ‘Dreams’ recharted because of TikTok memes in 2020, and I wasn’t really about to complain because that song is a classic? This is something similar, where a deep cut from Nirvana’s Nevermind got traction, the last song on the album not counting the hidden bonus cut. And… I’m not going to deny that the song works for what it is, a brooding moment of vagrancy where Kurt Cobain imagines living as a sick homeless man that many fans have extrapolated to a specific bridge where Cobain used to visit as a teenager; it’s very spare, borderline skeletal with its fragile acoustics and touches of cello and bass as Cobain croons through it, more of a wallow than anything where even Cobain seems to build some separation with his curt ‘yeahs’ within the hook. And yet, while I get why this works, it’s not a go-to for me out of Nirvana’s catalog, mostly for a lot of small nitpicks: Butch Vig’s production is a little too clean, the song feels a little lacking in detail with its repeated verse and chorus, it’s lowkey to the point where you wonder if outside of ‘92 and Cobain’s cult of personality whether it would have worked at all, where in some live settings Cobain would switch out a verse for something way nastier and self-flagellating in the face of rock star success. So yeah, it’s good, and it’s cool that it’s charting for a bit… but I’m not revisiting it much, just saying.

37. ‘Thinking With My Dick’ by Kevin Gates ft. Juicy J - whereas on the other side of what TikTok has blown up, we have an album cut from Kevin Gates’ 2013 album, that opens up its hook with a slur… I mean, I get why this went viral, but if you want southern bangers that sound incredibly dated to this specific era in 2013-2014, there are other options beyond this brand of ass anthem! Now credit to Kevin Gates, the production does have some bounce to it especially in that bassline with the gang vocals - I can see this working in a strip club - but Gates has always had a problem saying the quiet part really loud, so outright saying the girl is ugly but she’s got a fat ass and that’s enough is not exactly endearing when you follow it with lines like ‘stop, pop and squat like a zipper’, that his dick is trying to kill her, and then calling her a ‘one hit wonder’. And speaking of awful lines, Juicy J is here where he’s picking up both your girl and her friend and playing the stupid lesbian reference, saying the girl swallow nut like an elephant, and ‘like a dentist with a drill, I be digging in their mouth’. And it’s not like I’m surprised or scandalized by this - I was reviewing this kind of music in 2013, this method of going so stupid it spins around to be funny in an over-the-top way was dime a dozen in that era and I honestly should have picked up on it faster, and Kevin Gates was a guy to throw some meat to it - but that’s kind of the point, once you get past the groove, the dated flagrance of all of this feels less unique and more a sharp reminder why neither of these guys kept much charting momentum out of this era. Please, I’m not sure any of us are ready for nostalgia for 2013 to happen, let’s move on.

34. ‘Golden Child’ by Lil Durk - have to be honest, I’m a little shocked this is a song that blew up from the album bomb, especially this high - yeah, the trap percussion might sound pretty sharp against the eerie synths, and Lil Durk’s downtempo gangland sneering might be more accessible as he flexes and fucks, but what might be more interesting is how he calls out a lot of ‘internet reporting’ types who did their “documentaries” on violence in Chicago that the feds later used to target people in the city… and specifically DJ Vlad because he’s a well-known informant for the police and no aspiring rapper involved in less-than-legal activity should ever talk to him. So maybe the callout is why this got traction, but otherwise it’s not especially good - the doo-doo line, how Lil Durk is clumsy at best in any reference to women, or just how this song doesn’t even have a hook separating its verses. It feels like this was stitched together rather than delivered with more structure, so while it’s not bad, I wouldn’t call it all that good either.

30. ‘No Interviews’ by Lil Durk - hmm, maybe they were just picking songs that went in to this segment of the album… but to be fair, this is a song that has more flow, melody, and an actual hook off the sharper drill hi-hats, bass rumble, twinkling piano, and gentle touches of guitar; honestly, I think the production is really elegant and potent here. Kind of a shame that Durk can’t do more with it - yeah, the hook is catchy, but building off a verse where he’s trying to kick his addictions and go straight, some of the most consistent subtext of the album, it feels out of place and not in the best of taste. That’s arguably the most frustrating thing with Durk here: he’ll have interesting bars and ideas like giving a side-eye to rappers wearing MAGA hats - this is suspected to be about Kodak Black after his pardon - or the street level violence where he’s trying to find some escape after all of the friends he’s lost, but it’s paired next to flexes and references to women that feel so damn clunky and lacking a strong throughline, where it makes you wonder what Durk might even be trying to do. Again, the production is good, but everything else… ehh, should be better.

26. ‘Petty Too’ by Lil Durk ft. Future - you know, I was close to getting on board with this one, because the synth-inflected trap groove is surprisingly sticky, and Durk’s verse starts out fine, especially for someone I think is pretty bad with sex content; he shares his girls around, he doesn’t sound like he’s looking for much in the way commitments, where he explicitly sounds like he’s not petty with his women. But then the hook just sucks all the energy out of the room where he admits that, yeah, he’s petty too and while that might fit with Future’s utterly disposable verse, it’s a heel turn for absolutely no reason. It might be true, given that both Lil Durk and Future have more kids and baby moms than they probably should, but it’s a sour note that doesn’t really help the song or album. Shame again, because the production is good… but the song isn’t quite there.

24. ‘What Happened To Virgil’ by Lil Durk ft. Gunna - of course it would be the song with Gunna that gets Lil Durk his biggest debut this week - hell, if you want the true testament of where the charts are in 2022, it’s that this non-personality is racking up success! And he is the problem with this song, outside of the fact that the one hook comes in at the very beginning and never returns - his flow is noticeably simpler, he goes to flexing and the references to Virgil feel more scattered and less personal, and he just can’t match Durk’s energy or raw vulnerability. I’m not saying Durk is great here either, because he’s not - the vulnerable moments are interspersed with drug abuse, fucking, references to loving the streets even despite the amount of bloodshed, the ideas barely flow together and it doesn’t help the atmosphere the production is doing one hell of a job creating. Yeah, the big positive I’ll give this song is that the piano sounds immaculate behind some really crisp trap and drill percussion, it’s set up to build a lot of swell and pay off the angst… and nobody steps up effectively. Maybe the hook one more time would have made it work, but as it is… too slapdash to come together, hate to see it.

15. ‘Sweetest Pie’ by Megan Thee Stallion & Dua Lipa - and now, it’s the big one, the collab that I think all of us were praying would make the top 10 on name recognition alone… and yet after having heard it, I kind of get why it didn’t quite get there. Call it expectations that were just too high, or the fact that I’ve never been a fan of extended food metaphors when it comes to sex, or the fact that Megan was apparently responsible for picking the beat, which isn’t good because Megan’s production has consistently been one of the most frustrating things in her career thus far, but I’m more lukewarm on this than anything. Yeah, they have good chemistry, and both are capable of making this sound sexy, and to be fair with the well-balanced, liquid, fluttery nu-disco gloss behind the trap groove, it’s a good fit for the both of them… but it never gets to another level with more melodic flair or a stronger hook. It also feels a little obvious, a bit dated and overly busy with the trap elements… honestly, it reminds me a lot of ‘Hot Girl Summer’ from 2019, a song I like but should have been better than it is. Overall I’m left thinking that maybe Dua Lipa should have picked the beat instead…

But I do have to say it, I think it’s probably the best song of the week here, with Honourable Mention going to Nirvana with ‘Something In The Way’ - you can call it heresy, but I like my Nirvana songs with a little more bite and intensity, not quite feeling it here, although ‘Grow Up / Keep It On Speakers’ by Lil Durk was really damn close. Now Worst of the Week falls out easy, that’s ‘Bones’ by Imagine Dragons, with Dishonourable Mention going to ‘Thinking With My Dick’ by Kevin Gates and Juicy J - missed the worst spot by a hair thanks to the production, low bar here. Next week… the fallout, stay tuned for that!