billboard BREAKDOWN - hot 100 - january 1, 2022

So I reckon we’ve probably got maybe one week after this in terms of holiday dominance - which, incidentally, is why this video is a day late. Roddy Ricch is a story this week but less of one than you might think, especially in comparison with a very questionable high debut and even more Christmas music hitting the charts, and then from there… maybe a bit of a breather? I wouldn’t complain about that, at least on my end.

But if you want to take a look at our top ten… look, the entire top four is holiday music and entrenched: ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ by Mariah Carey at #1, ‘Rockin Around The Christmas Tree’ by Brenda Lee at #2, ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ by Bobby Helms at #3, and ‘A Holly Jolly Christmas’ by Burl Ives at #4. It’s all so dominant that despite Adele ruling radio with ‘Easy On Me’, she can’t rise above #5, even with a good sales week. And then we have another three holiday songs: ‘It’s The Most Wonderful Time’ by Andy Williams at #6, ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! at #7, and ‘Feliz Navidad’ by Jose Feliciano at #8, which pushes ‘Stay’ by Kid LAROI and Justin Bieber to #9, basically riding on its radio just behind Adele but considerably weaker sales. And to hold up the rear, one last Christmas song with ‘Sleigh Ride’ by the Ronettes - fun stuff, this makes the Hot 100 interesting, right?

Well, it certainly gives us a healthy suite of losers and dropouts, where we had some big ones in the latter category with ‘Cold As You’ by Luke Combs, ‘You Right’ by Doja Cat and The Weeknd, ‘Essence’ by Wizkid, Tems and Justin Bieber, and ‘Kiss Me More’ by Doja Cat and SZA. And the Christmas influx has pushed a lot of our losers down too, first coming in the album bomb from the late Juice WRLD with ‘Burn’ at 74, ‘Wandered to LA’ with Justin Bieber at 87, and ‘Already Dead’ at 88. Then we have the continued losses for ‘My Universe’ by Coldplay and BTS at 84 and ‘I Hate U’ by SZA at 42, and then the rest look like more established songs just getting elbowed back because of the time of year. Yeah, I don’t expect ‘Knowing You’ by Kenny Chesney to hold on at 99, but we also have ‘Way 2 Sexy’ by Drake, Future and Young Thug at 58, ‘One Right Now’ by Post Malone and The Weeknd at 50, ‘Fancy Like’ by Walker Hayes at 45, ‘abcdefu’ by GAYLE at 27, ‘Need To Know’ by Doja Cat at 24, ‘Shivers’ by Ed Sheeran at 23, and ‘INDUSTRY BABY’ by Lil Nas X and Jack Harlow at 22!

And a lot of this has been triggered by the returns of still more holiday music: ‘Jingle Bells’ by Frank Sinatra at 33, ‘Please Come Home For Christmas’ by The Eagles at 40, ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ by the Jackson 5 at 41, ‘Little Saint Nick’ by the Beach Boys at 43, ‘Deck The Halls’ by Nat King Cole at 46, ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’ by Michael Buble at 47, and of course the holiday standard ‘Life Goes On’ by Oliver Tree at 81 - obviously. And it impacted a lot of our gains this week too: off the return we had ‘You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch’ by Thurl Ravenscroft at 34, off the debut we had ‘Santa Baby’ by Eartha Kitt at 35, and then across our gains we had ‘Merry Christmas’ by Ed Sheeran and Elton John at 55, ‘Christmas Tree Farm’ by Taylor Swift at 62, ‘Pick Out A Christmas Tree’ by Dan + Shay at 63, and ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ by Camila Cabello at 71. Also ‘For Tonight’ by Giveon got a mild boost to 81, but given its stylism and old-fashioned approach, you can nudge it under the holiday banners too.

And that creates the open question of what can debut against this, because it wasn’t like Roddy Ricch got a proper album bomb this week, so what happened? Well…

97. ‘Do It To It’ by Acraze ft. Cherish - I’ve known this was on the horizon for a bit - probably not a good sign when the associated buzz behind a new EDM song is also that it really sucks, so what did we get here? So context: Acraze is a DJ who remixed the original 2006 ‘Do It To It’ by the R&B group Cherish featuring Sean P of YoungBloodz, their biggest hit and a song I didn’t like fifteen years ago; the vocals feel like a low-rent Ciara riff, the synths and cheap production have aged badly, and the lyrics are more extended references to better songs than giving the group any sense of distinct identity. So naturally what you want to do is suck any of the old crunk and R&B swagger from the song, pitch down the vocals into a formless haze of synth and reverb, and yet somehow still feel as stiff and undercooked as the original! Seriously, I don’t care for this remix at all, but it’s kind of impressive how it has so many of the same problems as the original, down to feeling derivative and cheap without any of the punch of those who do it better. Sure, you got rid of Sean P, but if this is all you have to replace it, even off of nostalgia I’m not won over - this sucks, next!

95. ‘thailand’ by Roddy Ricch - the song right after the album opener on LIVE LIFE FAST… and arguably the first sign that things were going to go downhill for this project; the leaden bass swamping any vestige of the guitar melody with the stock fizzy trap beat, and placing all the emphasis on Roddy Ricch’s extended flexing where outside of the melodic hook, his flow feels painfully stale. Yeah, there’s a cool strings switch-up at the very end - you couldn’t have integrated this after the first verse and built beyond an outro that shows all the promise that’s not being spent, and why do you want to compare yourself to the king on a chess board, which is one of the most ineffectual pieces? I’m not saying it’s precisely bad - for what it is, the hook mostly works, and with this Roddy Ricch album, it can easily get worse - like…

91. ‘hibachi’ by Roddy Ricch ft. Kodak Black & 21 Savage - first off, why do all of these acoustic guitars and flutes sound like they’re in the process of dying? It doesn’t help give Roddy Ricch a pocket to work with in the mix and it makes his hook sound like a mess… and given he doesn’t have a verse of his own, to get shown up by both 21 Savage and Kodak Black is a goddamn problem! Granted, Kodak doesn’t say anything worth caring about, and I’m not a fan of 21 Savage with this brand of flexing, so it’s not really elevating this beyond two notes. One, Roddy has a line ‘Got too many jewels in my squad, fuck a Nazi’ - horrible homophone and tenuous reference aside, there’s a part of me perversely impressed that Roddy Ricch actually will tell Nazis to fuck off, but two… seriously, can’t we all get past hibachi restaurants at this point? It’s a novelty mostly for tourists, I’ve never been impressed with the food, and as restaurants they’re so intolerable loud. Just not at all my thing, and this song isn’t any good either.

85. ‘moved to miami’ by Roddy Ricch ft. Lil Baby - alright, I’ll give Roddy Ricch this: the extended, twinking intro was legit pretty, especially with the trip hop percussion building into the song… of which they just flip into another fizzy trap cut where Roddy Ricch and Lil Baby flex and showcase guns where it’s obvious from his vocal blending that Lil Baby recorded his verse in another studio. And am I the only one who’s a bit bothered by just how much Roddy Ricch and his guest rappers are leaning on references to ‘The Box’ - yes, it was his biggest hit, but this is the time where you show that you’re more than that, not default to the bog-standard. Unfortunately, this just kind of feels anonymous - not precisely bad, but if you’re going to remember a Roddy Ricch song from that album, it won’t be this one.

79. ‘Christmas Isn’t Cancelled (Just You)’ by Kelly Clarkson - has the title of a song ever made you want to just immediately break out in hives - because that’s what everyone wants to think about during the holiday season, scandals and online hate mobs! This is what I hate about the proliferation of ‘cancelling’ as a commercialized liberal buzzword - this isn’t reclaiming it from conservatives whinging about cancel culture, this is playing it all for a cheap joke at the expense of your ex-husband who you want to bash at length and this is a cheap, ugly clickbait way to do it. Hell, I think regardless of whether you’re on the left or right, this feels trashy as all hell - and it doesn’t help the entire song feels both painfully generic but also weirdly incompetent - the verses and prechorus are this horn-inflected pop soul with overcompressed vocal leads, but then they flip into this jaunty holiday bounce at a different tempo and cadence for the hook that also doesn’t match the outro that leans so hard on that awful line, and it all feels oversold and cloying in the worst way possible, even if Kelly Clarkson has incredible pipes to sell it. So yeah, this is awful, and we should do everything in our power to ensure this absolute dogshit never becomes a holiday staple - Kelly Clarkson already has ‘Underneath The Tree’, and that’s enough.

77. ‘25 million’ by Roddy Ricch - yep, this is the last of the Roddy Ricch songs, the one that got the video… and it’s okay, I guess? The trap and drill progression feels overweight compared to the frail acoustics and faint melody, and Roddy Ricch rambles through his flexing where the only hint of decent tune comes on the hook… and even then, that fades for the second half and doesn’t excuse just how many rhymes he flagrantly drops or how thin his vocals sound when he starts trying to sing a bit midway through his second verse. Honestly, I already reviewed the album on my main channel but I’ll say it again - it feels thin, underwhelming, and when the Genius comments are saying this is mid at best, you’ve got a real problem. With this… take it or leave it.

48. ‘Christmastime Is Here’ by Vince Guaraldi Trio - so this is interesting: there are two old Christmas songs that charted this week, and they’re both from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special from 1965, with this being one of the more recognizable ones that’s been covered by everyone from Mariah Carey and Josh Groban to Brett Eldredge and Mark Kozalek. And I’ll be honest, this is one of those songs I struggle to say much about - I don’t love the church choir which has always felt a bit shrill for this sort of slow burn song with its gentle pianos and understated sandy percussion, but that’s a nitpick for a song that’s otherwise so restrained and relaxed and that’s exactly the vibe I want to embrace during the holidays. And there is something to appreciate about how homespun the production feels, with just enough rough edges to the texture that captures one of the reasons why the dry wit of Peanuts has lasted the way it has. So yeah, I like this a decent bit, and that takes us to…

37. ‘Linus & Lucy’ by Vince Guaraldi Trio - the funny thing about this gentle piano instrumental with the once again sandy percussion is that it became so recognizable as a part of this Christmas special that it became the introduction to every Peanuts TV special until Vince Guaraldi’s death in 1976 - to some, it’s the franchise’s de facto theme song, the sort of gentle, shuffling piano number that it’s instantly recognizable in how its staccato progressions play across its movements of smooth jazz with sly complexity. And as someone who’s always been really fond of this franchise… yeah, I have no idea how much I’d associate it with Christmas, but it’s a sweet little instrumental number that I absolutely like. Sit down and listen to it beyond the first few bars, you’ll be surprised on how many turns it takes - great song.

14. ‘Broadway Girls’ by Lil Durk ft. Morgan Wallen - I think a lot of people might be more surprised about this than I am, mostly because I knew what was coming if Morgan Wallen’s outburst hadn’t happened. It was pretty obviously telegraphed too: Dangerous: The Double Album had the murky trap crossover moments built in, there were multiple rappers in the new school who were fans of his music including Lil Durk, the remixes could have ruled this year. But it looks like someone in their camps dusted off the marketing plan, and with the might of sales behind them, here we go… and wow, this sounds awful. This is another case where you can tell that neither of them were in the same studio to mic their vocals and Wallen’s twang has always felt a little oversold, but here with the vocal fry he sounds like his vocal cords are shredded in a really unflattering way, and it doesn’t match the cleaner, autotuned fidelity of Lil Durk whatsoever! And then there’s the reference points - I get trying to paint a setting for the Broadway strip in Nashville, but Lil Durk keeps referencing pop stars and you can tell he’s trying to play into what he thinks the country vibe is and it just feels awkward, especially as in both cases, I’m not picking up especially what makes these ‘Broadway girls’ so dangerous… unless of course you’re expected to be reminded of another night Morgan Wallen should have just stayed home, which is not leaning into this in a way I’d advise! Also the production isn’t good either: the rickety trap percussion, the hazy of liquid guitar, it feels way too spare and it only exposes how rough Wallen’s vocals sound and how they don’t mesh with Durk or the backing vocals. So in the end, the industry seems to have decided that Morgan Wallen has done his penance and he’s going to be a superstar again - whether you’ve forgiven him for his outburst or not is a personal judgement call, but if he’s looking to make his comeback with this… yeah, we can all move on.

And that was this week… man, not a good one by any stretch, where I’m pretty much giving the Vince Guaraldi Trio the best entries by default, with ‘Linus & Lucy’ as the Best of the Week and ‘Christmastime Is Here’ the Honourable Mention. But for the worst… ugh, there’s a lot of options, but the song that pissed me off the most was ‘Christmas Isn’t Cancelled (You Are)’ by Kelly Clarkson, followed by ‘Broadway Girls’ by Lil Durk and Morgan Wallen as the Dishonourable Mention - you got off lucky, Roddy Ricch and Acraze, I’ll say that. Next week… well, the fallout for whatever manages to return or survive as the holiday season winds up, stay tuned for it!